Hey Girl, Hey
There’s this term that’s been floating around for a while now - Strong friend.
The strong friend is someone that can carry more than one should, one that is resilient and can support and aid others in the midst of his/her own silent battles. I often wonder if that phrase is a compliment or something we should run from. Being the strong friend allows others the gateway to lay their burdens on you. Where at times you help carry their burdens, finding solutions for their problems while sometimes sitting yours to the side.
I’m starting to think that being the strong friend is a choice that we make, not a trait that we are born with or taught. We are taught to be caring; not to put others before ourselves. No one said I had to accept the burdens of others and carry it too. I know, I know... It’s easier said than done when you’re a selfless and caring person but boundaries must be set. Especially when realizing that you have to choose you first and you and your problems are just as important as theirs. This doesn’t mean you can’t be there for others, but it does mean that everything that is brought to you is not for you to fix. Some things are meant for you to pray with them about it, give advice, a shoulder to cry or a place to scream but not the one to always come in and save the day.
Strong Friend is what they call me but lately I prefer to be selfish. I’ve been more intentional in saying “NO”, telling people when they hurt me even if they don’t believe it. Crazy right! How can someone deny my feelings after I verbalize how they made me feel? It’s not because they think they can do no harm but because they didn’t want to believe their words had a negative impact on me. The old Valencia would have internalized how someone made me feel, replayed the conversation over and over in my head and practiced what I should have said (rolling eyes...this aggravates me every time I do it). The strong me will listen to others complain when I’m already drained from my day. Let me introduce you to the selfish Valencia. We all have one hidden inside of us even if you don’t believe you do. She is intentional in saying no, she denies calls or can easily disconnect from a call if there is no mental space at that moment. The selfish Valencia makes time to do nothing while telling everyone else she’s doing something. The selfish me knows it’s okay to cry and scream even when someone else is going through something much worst. It doesn’t discredit my pain and the battles I encounter. With no remorse, I’m letting go of the strong friend stigma for my peace.
Don’t you get tired of been everything for everybody? I dare you for the next month to be more intentional with your “NO’s”. Fill those spaces with something for you; reading, walking, a date with yourself, a long bath or absolutely NOTHING!!! Let me know how it made you feel, because sometimes being the selfish version of yourself is just as important as the strong version of you.
Comments