Hey girl, Hey!
Where do I begin? Life goes on after death, right? The world keeps turning, people go back to caring for the family and you go back to work. Sometimes we navigate life as it was before grief with a smile on our face so we can dodge the famous questions - How are you doing, how are you feeling while fighting the urge to run home. Others may throw themselves into work in order to feel a hence of normality and to bury the pain. If your anything like me, you did both. In the middle of your workday, you’ve snuck out of your little cubicle, ran to the bathroom for a good cry, grabbed your eyedrops then went back to work like nothing ever happened.
The only cure for grief is to grieve. -Earl Grollman
How do we bounce back like that? Half of the time we don’t. What we do is fall into a new norm that includes hiding and putting a band aid over our emotions; never healing from it or dealing with it. Yes, we do want to find a new norm but not if it means hiding from ourselves what we are really going through. In the midst of figuring out how to navigate life we must accept what has happened. Research teaches us before you are able to accept the change there are 4 other stages we will encounter first: denial, anger, bargaining and depression. During my grieving period I did not accept what had taken place even up to the day of his funeral and years later. You see, my husband passed while he was deployed so my mind kept saying he was on a special mission; he’ll be home soon. All that did for me was make me relive the day I got the call over and over again wondering if it was true or not. It also slowed down my process of accepting the change that just happened in my life. My marital status changed from married to widow during an unexpected call. It wasn’t until I started accepting that I would never feel his touch, smell his cologne and kiss him hello again that all of the emotions that I was hiding came rushing in.
It wasn’t until I felt my emotions that I realized in what areas I needed assistance; was I angry with him, sad, did I feel abandoned...etc. You see while I was physically functioning in grief, mentally and emotionally I was hiding in grief. I’m tired. Tired of faking it, tired of the world hiding its pain, its grief, it’s tears because someone else needs us, or because we can’t stay in it. To truly function in grief in all areas (physically, mentally and emotionally) we must be still and ask God to reveal unto us where we are and how we must proceed to move forward. Let’s not just “function in grief” but thrive in healing and understanding. You can do this by talking to family and friends about what you’re feeling or don’t understand, pray, seek professional assistance through therapy and take some time out for yourself. Dealing with situations alone are not always the best way. Recognize the village around you and lean on them if their willing to assist. Most importantly be honest and vulnerable with yourself in order to give yourself grace.
You got this sis.
During our silent battles is when we're tested the most. t is when we realize who we are and the strength we never knew we had. - Valencia Faulkner, Silent Battles
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